As I write this my little girl is spending the day with her grandparents and all I’m thinking about is wanting the day to end soon so that I can go home to see her.  Although I am tired a lot because of all the night feeds, but it’s all worth it just to wake up and see her bright eyes looking at me.  At the end of each day all I want is still her with me.  Amazing eh?

My life has changed completely because of the little one but I am still grateful for the privilege of being a mother.  I don’t just love being mother, I love being HER mother!

I still find it quite unbelievable that we’ve actually ‘created’ a life.  Looking at her innocent face I wonder how on earth did I actually given birth to a new life, a unique life.  I always heard people say that one would forget how painful it was giving birth after looking the little face, and it’s TRUE!  I’ve already forgotten what I’ve been through. 

We’ve decided to fully breast feed her for as long as possible.  Honestly I didn’t do much reading on BF and I thought it wasn’t that difficult.  I was wrong.  First it’s the discouragement and doubt from the CL and people around me.  I felt so helpless and lost, I cried so many times which my husband once thought I’ve developed post natal depression.  But thank god I managed to speak to a few friends who had been through the same process, their words of encouragement and advices enlightened me and made me feel that I’m not alone in this journey.  I have more confidence now to continue to BF with the support from my husband and these friends.  Thanks for all the encouragement!

The little one is sleeping soundly now.  I couldn’t ask for more but for her to grow up healthy and happy. 
Nothing else matter now

My mom is flying to Sydney soon to help my sister out on her new café opening and she will be away for at least two months.  Being a man who has been so used to eat at home; it will be a nightmare for my dad if he were to eat out every night for the whole of two months.  So, he has to learn how to cook.

This is the menu created by my mom – the simplest dishes she could think of that my dad won’t end up burning down the kitchen when cooking them.  They’re mostly steamed dishes, such as steamed minced meat (with various side ingredients), steamed egg (again with various side ingredients), and stir fried vegetables.  No deep fried nor marinate nor stew.  As straight forward as possible.  And most importantly, must include some canned food like luncheon meat and baked beans, they are the easiest things to cook!

And he attempted to cook for the first time last night under the supervision of my mom.  Not bad eh? :p

Anyway, the craving has to be fulfilled today.  Why not pampered myself with a luxury breakfast today? Chicken Mushroom Focaccia Sandwich it was.  Total damage done: RM25.

Apart from the tiredness, swelling, sleepless nights and frequent potty breaks, one of my biggest complaints now is No Clothes.  Those cute non-maternity clothes that once neatly covered my baby bump are barely fit now.  And I am wearing the same outfits over and over again, literally.  I have 5-6 sets of clothes to be repeated from Monday to Friday and that include one non-maternity dress which looks a bit stretchy now on me. 

Therefore, I seriously NEED to buy new clothes because according to some experts, having something new to wear can brighten the mood. :p  But I am also struggling as I don’t really want to sink more money into a wardrobe that will last only a few weeks.  

Anyway I browsed the website of 9months Maternity Wear and found some nice dresses from their latest collection… How? How?  Should I or should I not buy?

·         1^st day of CNY:  Went to the temple after a sumptuous vegetarian breakfast at my parents’ house, followed by a fun karaoke session with bro, sis and cousins at Green Box in the afternoon

·         2^nd day:  MIL’s open house (covered his father and mother side of relos) (lunch) à Visiting to my aunt’s house (mother side) (late lunch) à Visiting to my aunt’s house (father side) (dinner)

·         3^rd day:  Dim Sum breakfast with hubby à Joined bro and sis for a movie à dinner at parents’ house followed by mahjong session till late J

On the 4^th day, 5 of us (my parents, me, sis and bro) departed to Kuantan Cherating for a 3D2N trip. 

We stayed at Suria Cherating Beach Resort, which was our second choice after Holiday Villa was fully booked.  Nothing to shout about for the resort, it is a simple yet relaxing place… At least the rooms and pool are clean, that’s my bare minimum requirement.

The next day we woke up super early hoping to see the sunrise.  Unfortunately it’s too cloudy, couldn’t see how the first ray of sunlight beamed through the sealevel… L 

After breakfast, we drove out of Cherating to Sg. Lembing, a very quiet small town South of Kuantan town.  It was a mining town 100 years ago; we were simply amazed by the historical architectures of this old town.  

Petrol station :)

For those who do not know what we’d been through over the past 3 weeks, here is the story.  I did a blood test when I was 16-week pregnant called triple test, also called triple screen, which is an investigation performed during pregnancy in the second trimester to classify a patient as either high-risk or low-risk for chromosomal abnormalities (and neural tube defects). 

We were actually given a choice of to take or not to for this because I’m under the age of 35.  To be honest, we did not think through it carefully at the time of test because we had no idea what are the consequences then.  We just thought it’s a normal test like testing for HIV.  A week later, my husband received a call from the hospital early in the morning, telling him that I am on high-risk for carry a baby with chromosomal abnormalities, in other words, a baby with Down’s syndrome.

Can you imagine how I felt?  My heart sank.  All of a sudden, I lost the bond with my baby.  A Down’s!  It’s always been just a NOUN for me.  Who on earth would ever think that it can actually happen to themselves one day?  But before long, I packed my crying heart and searched the net for more info.  And I talked to some of my close friends whom are already a mother.  Apparently many mothers out there had experienced the same thing, and the good news is the false positive turned out to be very high.  So chances are my baby could be perfectly fine after all!

Without much delay we went to see the gynae the following day.  We were given a few options of what we should do next:
Option (1) Amniocentesis – an invasive test that removes a small amount of fluid from the sac around the baby to look for birth defects and chromosome problems

Option (2) Level 2 ultrasound scan – a more targeted examination which is performed to look for markers of fetal anomaly

Option (3) DO NOTHING

Amniocentesis has the highest accuracy but it also carries certain risks of miscarriage or hurting the baby if it wasn’t done properly.  Our gynae claimed that she has done it many times and the risk has been reduced to 0.02% now, although she also assured us that our baby should be fine judging from my past ultrasound results.  It was a difficult decision to make.  In the end, my husband and I decided to go for it, just to put our minds at ease.  How am I going to go through the remaining months of pregnancy if I constantly have to worry about it?  It won’t be good for the bonding with my baby too.

So there.  I did it, on the same day.  It was done on an outpatient basis so I did not need to stay in the hospital.  I lay on the examination bed as usual.  Then the gynae cleaned an area of skin on my belly followed by some anesthetic.  With the help of ultrasound, she found the exact location of the baby and then inserted a very long, thin needle through my abdomen and into the womb (just like how the blood is being withdrawn except the needle is MUCH thicker and longer).  When the needle entered the amniotic sac, I felt a sharp pain which lasted a few seconds.  I didn’t pay attention to the pain very much, I just hoped that my baby will move away from the needle so that it won’t hurt her.  And when the fluid was being pulled out, I felt some pressure in the lower abdomen area.  A small amount of fluid (16mg if I remember correctly) was finally taken from the fluid-filled sac that surrounds my baby.  According to the gynae, it is advisable to perform this test between 16-20 weeks because anytime before that the amount of amniotic fluid will not be sufficient and it might cause birth defects.

Here’s a picture to illustrate the procedure:

Source: www.sogi.net.au

I was given 2 full days of MC after that as I had to bed rest as much as possible and I was put on a one-week antibiotic to prevent infection to the baby.  Apart from some minor cramping later that afternoon, I did not experience any Leaking of amniotic fluid or vaginal bleeding, which was a good sign.  That was not the end of it.  Both of us couldn’t sleep well for the following weeks, we did not talk much about it also.  I don’t know how to put the feelings into words; it’s like losing the bonding with the baby.   This is not fair to the baby I thought, so after a few days, I managed to reorganize my thoughts and started to bond with my baby again. Like what I told my sis, I have faith in my baby.   True enough, everything turns out to be fine now.   And the test also confirmed that we are having a baby girl!  Can’t wait to meet you, our little princess.

p/s:  Hope you guys don’t mind the super long post this time.

That is the thing I always like about Chinese New Year.  It symbolizes a fresh new start of a year, and that we are able to fix the problems and hope for the better.  It’s just like pressing the ‘RESTART’ button on your PC.  New Year = New hopes.  “I had a bad year, but it’s over now.  I will have a better year this year.”  The thought of able to start all over again with new fortune waiting ahead of us is always motivating and inspiring.

However not everybody gets to ‘restart’.  I received a shock and sad news yesterday that my friend’s mother passed away unexpectedly, very out of the blue.  Two more weeks to CNY but she couldn’t make it.  This happened to my grandma and one of my aunts also.  They left us just before CNY.  Life is so vulnerable isn’t it?  While we always hope for a better and wealthier year (reflected in most of our CNY greetings like Gong Hei Fatt Choy), we should also be appreciative of what we have, and be thankful of our ability to breathe and open our eyes everyday to see this beautiful world.  And we also should not take our loved ones for granted.  Tell them you love them when it is not too late.  So to my family and friends, I LOVE YOU, and here is to a healthier and happier Tiger year! ♥